Saturday, December 11, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
I wrote this and hesitated to post because I didn't write it perfectly. And like so many things, I hesitate because it isn't good enough. So here it is, I'm putting it out, imperfect. With apologies to my English Teacher friends...
The term “born again,” I believe in Christianity originates with a discussion between Nicodemus and Jesus in the Gospel of John, Chapter 3. There Jesus explains that there are two births, one literal or natural birth of a baby, and one that comes when the person is ready to see “God” as he really is, “the True Face of God” (as it is sometimes translated). I used quotes around God here because I want to distinguish between what I believe Jesus meant and what the dominant religion believes. God can mean life, nature, or the mysteries. I’m not trying to disprove the position of the Christian religion, but to show that, religion or not, there is a practical “born again” experience that can happen.
Christianity isn’t the only religion that has this transformation. What Hindus call Maya (Sanskrit) or illusion, is seen only upon this transformational experience. Poets, artists, atheists, and pagans can have this experience, and indeed much is written, eloquently and otherwise about it.
It is said that the child or child state of mind is this place but not yet hard won or appreciated. Jesus said that one has to have the eye of a child to see Hosanna, to see who Jesus is. Society, religion, school, and family eventually has its way of imposing its vision of the world upon the child and the child grows up deluded, lost from his original nature. As in the story of the “Emporer’s New Clothes,” the masses of people come to accept what’s told to them by the pundits, media, or Hollywood, without seeing for oneself. Even when one has the chance to see, as “Emperor” exposes (pun intended), enculturated folks are blinded to it. Perhaps a modern therapist would say “they choose not to see.”
Without question the child attends his religion, his school, obeys the family rules, and tries to fit in the culture with style, corporate climbing, and dominance over nature. If we aren’t famous or big income earners we honor those who are in People Magazine, living vicariously. We climb the ladder of success in corporations as we were trained in public education. We go attend our religious institutions without question and we are admonished if we don’t.
The example of Jesus is that of questioning. He had a practical approach to religion, that the “law was made for man, not man made for the law,” and he discouraged hypocrisy, where others were blind to it (while being a devote unwavering Jew). As the story goes had awakened, like Buddha, to see life as it really is and wasn’t afraid to call it out, face to face.
In psychotherapy, my patients brave the territory of the inner world to break down the accumulation of illusions, to reclaim their lives, finding consciously the early life knowing of “Hosanna,” or seeing God as if for the first time, or society and nature as they really are, seeing what is in this moment. Instead of a future world to come, a world of money and power, a world of dominance over others, men over women, adults over children, mankind over nature, we find ourselves in a world of our own making. We need to clean up after ourselves, leaving the place better than when we found it. We need to help one another to love, find joy in being, live simply, facing truth as it is. We don’t need to sugar coat. We’ve evolved with the capacity to take this life as it is.
Being born again, is once again having direct contact with raw life unattenuated by the way Buddha, Jesus, or Socrates sees the world. A vision that is not assisted by those priests, ministers, imams, and rabbis who might tell us what Jesus, Socrates, and Buddha want us to believe. It is a difficult climb, arriving upon the mountaintop and seeing what is for ourselves with our own eyes as though for the first time. Mentors, mystics, clerics, and therapists should guide us to see, not tell us what we are seeing. We do not believe unless we can see it clearly with our own eyes, feel it within our own being.
I’m writing about this because I had a lively discussion with Steve Thomsen, my computer guru at Nebraska Furniture Mart (totally go see him and trust him with your computer needs, he’s very honest and will steer you right). We began this dialog and this is the essence of our discussion. We built upon each other’s stories as always happens when we get together.
The term “born again,” I believe in Christianity originates with a discussion between Nicodemus and Jesus in the Gospel of John, Chapter 3. There Jesus explains that there are two births, one literal or natural birth of a baby, and one that comes when the person is ready to see “God” as he really is, “the True Face of God” (as it is sometimes translated). I used quotes around God here because I want to distinguish between what I believe Jesus meant and what the dominant religion believes. God can mean life, nature, or the mysteries. I’m not trying to disprove the position of the Christian religion, but to show that, religion or not, there is a practical “born again” experience that can happen.
Christianity isn’t the only religion that has this transformation. What Hindus call Maya (Sanskrit) or illusion, is seen only upon this transformational experience. Poets, artists, atheists, and pagans can have this experience, and indeed much is written, eloquently and otherwise about it.
It is said that the child or child state of mind is this place but not yet hard won or appreciated. Jesus said that one has to have the eye of a child to see Hosanna, to see who Jesus is. Society, religion, school, and family eventually has its way of imposing its vision of the world upon the child and the child grows up deluded, lost from his original nature. As in the story of the “Emporer’s New Clothes,” the masses of people come to accept what’s told to them by the pundits, media, or Hollywood, without seeing for oneself. Even when one has the chance to see, as “Emperor” exposes (pun intended), enculturated folks are blinded to it. Perhaps a modern therapist would say “they choose not to see.”
Without question the child attends his religion, his school, obeys the family rules, and tries to fit in the culture with style, corporate climbing, and dominance over nature. If we aren’t famous or big income earners we honor those who are in People Magazine, living vicariously. We climb the ladder of success in corporations as we were trained in public education. We go attend our religious institutions without question and we are admonished if we don’t.
The example of Jesus is that of questioning. He had a practical approach to religion, that the “law was made for man, not man made for the law,” and he discouraged hypocrisy, where others were blind to it (while being a devote unwavering Jew). As the story goes had awakened, like Buddha, to see life as it really is and wasn’t afraid to call it out, face to face.
In psychotherapy, my patients brave the territory of the inner world to break down the accumulation of illusions, to reclaim their lives, finding consciously the early life knowing of “Hosanna,” or seeing God as if for the first time, or society and nature as they really are, seeing what is in this moment. Instead of a future world to come, a world of money and power, a world of dominance over others, men over women, adults over children, mankind over nature, we find ourselves in a world of our own making. We need to clean up after ourselves, leaving the place better than when we found it. We need to help one another to love, find joy in being, live simply, facing truth as it is. We don’t need to sugar coat. We’ve evolved with the capacity to take this life as it is.
Being born again, is once again having direct contact with raw life unattenuated by the way Buddha, Jesus, or Socrates sees the world. A vision that is not assisted by those priests, ministers, imams, and rabbis who might tell us what Jesus, Socrates, and Buddha want us to believe. It is a difficult climb, arriving upon the mountaintop and seeing what is for ourselves with our own eyes as though for the first time. Mentors, mystics, clerics, and therapists should guide us to see, not tell us what we are seeing. We do not believe unless we can see it clearly with our own eyes, feel it within our own being.
I’m writing about this because I had a lively discussion with Steve Thomsen, my computer guru at Nebraska Furniture Mart (totally go see him and trust him with your computer needs, he’s very honest and will steer you right). We began this dialog and this is the essence of our discussion. We built upon each other’s stories as always happens when we get together.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Asking someone to apologize vs a legacy of greatness
When we coerce a child to apologize to us we get a phony apology, deservedly. When Virginia Thomas asks Professor Anita Hill to apologize to her abuser, Virginia's husband, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, we wonder what she's up to. In the politics of today, characterized by these terms: divisive, slanderous, fact conjuring, win at any cost, selling oneself to the highest bidder, the end justifies the means, we must assume that she believes she will gain something from this, personally. She is an intelligent person. There's no sign of emotional intelligence, but she certainly has the capacity to think. Emotional intelligence would include self examination, humility, and perhaps a wish to reach across divides towards healing. There's no sign of EQ. We have to assume this is about some sort of personal gain. It is some sort of narcissistic gratification, but sold to the public as moral high ground.
It is a real waste when we see intelligent people misusing their gifts so blatantly, perhaps for personal financial gain. There's lots of money to be made in the speaker's circuit. I understand that Ms. Palin rakes in $100,000 for a speech. Much better than Alaska pays it's governor. I looked it up and it is nearly $70,000 per year (so much for civil service). Now she makes more than double that in a week!
In an interview, when asked why he fudges his facts, Rush Limbaugh told Leslie Stahl "for the share points." "And why the share points?" asking, then answering his own question, "for the money." Yes, it was honest. But is it good? In my paper on Narcissism and Spirituality, I argue the point that we move from narcissism on a spectrum, towards enlightenment. We move from the darkest place of self aggrandizement to working towards the betterment of the whole. But many get stuck in this very seductive limbo, able to manipulate the media and a very gullible population who wants to believe in these icons who go off giggling to the bank, surely overwhelmed by their own wealth and power.
Who loses? We all do. Rush Limbaugh isn't aware of the future. Children help us think of our legacy. Does Rush have children with any of the five wives he's had? I don't think so, though I admit, I haven't delved to fact check. But when we think of the future, we wish to leave this earth a better place than when we found it. We think of the greater good of humankind and nature, not the exploitation of the fools who follow us, and let the rest be damned.
It is a real waste when we see intelligent people misusing their gifts so blatantly, perhaps for personal financial gain. There's lots of money to be made in the speaker's circuit. I understand that Ms. Palin rakes in $100,000 for a speech. Much better than Alaska pays it's governor. I looked it up and it is nearly $70,000 per year (so much for civil service). Now she makes more than double that in a week!
In an interview, when asked why he fudges his facts, Rush Limbaugh told Leslie Stahl "for the share points." "And why the share points?" asking, then answering his own question, "for the money." Yes, it was honest. But is it good? In my paper on Narcissism and Spirituality, I argue the point that we move from narcissism on a spectrum, towards enlightenment. We move from the darkest place of self aggrandizement to working towards the betterment of the whole. But many get stuck in this very seductive limbo, able to manipulate the media and a very gullible population who wants to believe in these icons who go off giggling to the bank, surely overwhelmed by their own wealth and power.
Who loses? We all do. Rush Limbaugh isn't aware of the future. Children help us think of our legacy. Does Rush have children with any of the five wives he's had? I don't think so, though I admit, I haven't delved to fact check. But when we think of the future, we wish to leave this earth a better place than when we found it. We think of the greater good of humankind and nature, not the exploitation of the fools who follow us, and let the rest be damned.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Conflict and Spirituality
I've been overwhelmed by my own inner conflict regarding this very important topic of Conflict. I've written a piece called "Narcissism & Spirituality," which got rave reviews when delivered to both general public audiences as well as to colleagues and students of psychotherapy, and encouraged me to write on this other related topic I'm entitling "Conflict & Spirituality". Without getting into defining Spirituality or Soul (you can offer definitions if you like) at this point, I simply want to launch into collecting material for this paper, which I'll post and solicit your responses.
Conflict, at it's best can be very difficult, and even when we are most adept at creative conflict, it has within it, risk. Avoiding conflict, however, often is not an option either and is decidedly riskier in the end. It seems the predicament of human kind to engage it, for better or for worse. I'd like to think that it is for better. I've learned the most about conflict in the intimate relationship of my marriage. When engaged in the most vulnerable and self reflecting way, speaking for both my wife and myself, working through inevitable conflict has helped us get closer, made us more mature, and created more understanding between us. It has increased our love for each other and respect for innate and sometimes unresolvable differences. This is quite rewarding and creates the template for the expansion of love to our fellow human beings through engaging with genuineness revealing our shadow and soul.
Here is a quote from the book, Difficult Conversations" by members of the Harvard Negotiation Project, Stone, Patten, and Heen:
"No matter how good you get, difficult conversations will always challenge you. The authors know this from experiences in our own lives. We know what it feels like to be deeply afraid of hurting someone or of getting hurt. We know what it means to be consumed by guilt for how our actions have affected others, or for how we have let ourselves down. We know that even with the best of intentions, human relationships can corrode or become tangled, and, if we are honest, we also know that we don't always have the best of intentions. We know just how fragile are the heart and soul.
So it is best to keep your goals realistic. Eliminating fear and anxiety is an unrealistic goal. Reducing fear and anxiety and learning how to manage that which remains are more obtainable. Achieving perfect results with no risk will not happen. Getting better results in the face of tolerable odds might.
And that, for most of us, is good enough. For if we are fragile, we are also remarkably resilient."
The opportunities for conflict are limitless. Living life fully will bring them on. Living in a cave will help you avoid conflict and bring you peace, and also help you avoid the richness of maturity, the beauties and rewards of adulthood, and the sense of deep love for one's fellow man. A simple conflict may exist when two friends are hiking down the forest trail when there is a fork in the road; one wants to climb to the lake and the other wants to follow down to where the stream leads. Conflicts increase in nature with the level of intimacy. They increase in complexity as we attempt to live in community. We are all too aware of the conflicts between Democrats and Republicans, Arabs and Jews, the Iranian government and its people. In Omaha, my home city, there is a conflict of neighborhoods, where the minority races are still kept in ghettos, and the white majority doesn't realize it's unconscious pressure or will, naively.
Conflict, at it's best can be very difficult, and even when we are most adept at creative conflict, it has within it, risk. Avoiding conflict, however, often is not an option either and is decidedly riskier in the end. It seems the predicament of human kind to engage it, for better or for worse. I'd like to think that it is for better. I've learned the most about conflict in the intimate relationship of my marriage. When engaged in the most vulnerable and self reflecting way, speaking for both my wife and myself, working through inevitable conflict has helped us get closer, made us more mature, and created more understanding between us. It has increased our love for each other and respect for innate and sometimes unresolvable differences. This is quite rewarding and creates the template for the expansion of love to our fellow human beings through engaging with genuineness revealing our shadow and soul.
Here is a quote from the book, Difficult Conversations" by members of the Harvard Negotiation Project, Stone, Patten, and Heen:
"No matter how good you get, difficult conversations will always challenge you. The authors know this from experiences in our own lives. We know what it feels like to be deeply afraid of hurting someone or of getting hurt. We know what it means to be consumed by guilt for how our actions have affected others, or for how we have let ourselves down. We know that even with the best of intentions, human relationships can corrode or become tangled, and, if we are honest, we also know that we don't always have the best of intentions. We know just how fragile are the heart and soul.
So it is best to keep your goals realistic. Eliminating fear and anxiety is an unrealistic goal. Reducing fear and anxiety and learning how to manage that which remains are more obtainable. Achieving perfect results with no risk will not happen. Getting better results in the face of tolerable odds might.
And that, for most of us, is good enough. For if we are fragile, we are also remarkably resilient."
The opportunities for conflict are limitless. Living life fully will bring them on. Living in a cave will help you avoid conflict and bring you peace, and also help you avoid the richness of maturity, the beauties and rewards of adulthood, and the sense of deep love for one's fellow man. A simple conflict may exist when two friends are hiking down the forest trail when there is a fork in the road; one wants to climb to the lake and the other wants to follow down to where the stream leads. Conflicts increase in nature with the level of intimacy. They increase in complexity as we attempt to live in community. We are all too aware of the conflicts between Democrats and Republicans, Arabs and Jews, the Iranian government and its people. In Omaha, my home city, there is a conflict of neighborhoods, where the minority races are still kept in ghettos, and the white majority doesn't realize it's unconscious pressure or will, naively.
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